Shackles of Love: Part II
As any other person may know, females are primarily engulfed in the idea of marriage. The extravagant wedding, the overflowing ball gown, not to mention 2.1 children, and the white picket fence. Nice fantasy we carved up, no? But we tend to dismiss other women who don’t share the same fantasy as clearly in denial. So what about those women who don’t yearn for the ring or the soulmate for life?
This will probably be the first and last time I share my views on marriage. I have never shared these feelings openly all in one go, because this is such an overly complex topic. Here goes. My outlook on marriage has been impacted by my first socializing group — family. My parents fought endlessly when I was a naive young girl and ended up separating in January of 2007. Growing up in such an emotionally draining environment I felt that I never wanted to get married. I held onto the notion of a “loveless” & “conflicting” marriage for quite some time. After seeing the relationship crumble between my parents, I believed that I did not want to get married at all in my lifetime because I did not want to put up with such negativity around the idea of marriage. I viewed marriage as completely narcissistic, negative, and disappointing. I wanted to lead my own life. I felt that I would inevitably go down the path that most of my family has embarked on: divorce. My mother is soon to be divorced, and both sides of my grandparents are divorced (although my grandmother has been with my step-grandfather for more than 30 years). I felt that I was doomed to that pattern and wanted no part of it. I was my own happiness, I didn’t need the everyday emotional and verbal battles between a man and myself.
I feel that I missed out on those dreams that younger girls had about big, white princess gowns. The Romeo riding on a horse. And that dream of happiness. I never held those aspirations or dreams that needed to be fulfilled by marriage. Fast forward to when my hormones kicked in and when I entered my long-term relationship. My partner (yes, because boyfriend sounds so… childish?) made me realize security, hope, and happiness. He gave me everything I needed and more. I started to feel that I wanted to have a better union than my parents had, not to mention I started to build hope that marriage is possible. I started to have hope for romance and respect in a marriage. I then changed my mind recoiled and dreamt of getting married at (minimum) 30 years old (I wanted my career to succeed first. I’m smart, yes.)
Long-term relationships change you. They bring hope for a better tomorrow, hope for romance and happiness, and security that I longed for. I never accepted common-law marriage or living with a partner without any vows because I was never taught about those unions when I was younger. But now? Now I feel that whatever the future holds for me, whether it’s a huge white wedding dress, or a common-law tax return… I will accept it, love it, and cherish it. In the end, all I want is a partner by my side. On paper, or not.
